Children at weddings

There seems to be a very contentious issue surrounding children attending weddings. Some people think a wedding is not complete without the little folk around as part of the ceremony and the reception. Others think weddings are events that no child should ever be part of or allowed to attend. The rationale behind those not wanting children to attend is because the bride and groom are to be front and center, the “stars of the show” so to speak. It is a well-known fact that children “steal the show” and this often happens at the exact moment that is the climax of the event.

Needless to say this controversy will crop up among family members as you plan your wedding. I am well aware of both sides of the argument. My sister was remarried recently well into her forties and spent much time, expense and attention to detail ensuring that the perfect event was planned for her and her fiancés’ big day. No, in her case was the answer concerning children in attendance at her wedding. I, on the other hand think having children at a wedding completes the celebration. My attendance at my sister’s wedding was only possible because I had my best friend stay with the children (including a young baby) but I had to cut the night short because of the kids.
Because of the nature of the topic it is not an easy thing to arrange to not have any child present at a wedding where children are not welcome. It is poor form to mention anything on the invitation. Traditionally the invitation is addressed to whom is welcome to attend. Where an invitation is sent to a family it is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. X and family” or where specific family members are included and not others (as in the case where the bride and groom are inviting the older children and perhaps not the pre-school crowd) the invitation would read “Mr. & Mrs. X, name of child, name of child.” The way my sister handled hers was to send invitations addressed only the adult guests. In the cases of my sister’s family members who had children younger than 18 years old, my sister followed up with individual phone calls explaining how she felt about having any child attend. Where this policy became a problem was with out of town friends and family who had very young children and did not know anyone well enough in the area to leave their child with as everyone they knew that well was already attending the wedding.

Some people feel having children as part of the wedding and or in attendance is as much part of a wedding as the flower arrangements are …who could have a wedding without them? In my case I had two grandchildren of a very dear older friend walk me down the aisle. These kids were well behaved and their two younger siblings were also in attendance at the wedding and stayed throughout the night to party. Other children and young people were on the guest list. I remember a most beautiful day. The guests, many of them told me at the time (and many have reminisced since) about what a wonderful wedding it was. So I am little bit biased in favour of children attending especially if they are family.

If you are including a lot of small children at the wedding it can be a good idea to arrange a child-friendly venue at the wedding. This could be something like another room with a TV and DVD set up for a movie with popcorn and arrange to have it supervised. Since almost everyone you know well enough to trust with children is likely already a guest in attendance at the wedding you will need to find someone trustworthy but not a guest. Check ahead of time with the guests who will be bringing small children and see if they have a regular babysitter they can recommend.
Another wedding I attended and brought my four children (ranging in age from 2-7) and my babysitter with me to the reception held at a hotel. I rented a room where the reception was being held so that after the dinner and some dancing the children could go and relax, change into pajamas and go to bed while my husband and I could stay at the party. While a more expensive option for me it meant that I could attend the wedding reception with the children and not have to leave because tired children were acting up.

Whatever your decision be with or without children at your wedding it is a topic that needs to be handled with great tact and diplomacy. Otherwise family members and friends could be offended.